May 31, 2008

Doomed for everything

Things happened faster than what I can take in.

It was so many things that bother me for the whole day that I actually felt so EMO for everything.


I felt so wanted to release them.

I can’t help to resist my inner feeling that I really felt myself is once again left unattended and blames all go to me.



Yesterday was a long story.

My mom was accidentally fell off when she was working.

I was dumbstruck.

It was so fast that I really cannot process what should I do.


As a daughter, I think I should but then yet again, something, which made me felt uncertain.

Something that held me back.

Is she able to stand up by her own? Maybe.

Should I go help her up? Maybe others can do so.

I was really don’ know what to do.

That I ended up not giving her a helping hand and felt so guilty for the now.


She was mad, I knew.

I understand how she felt, how come I didn’t help her yesterday.

But she never says it out in front of me.

She said I am dumb, stupid… I knew, and I admitted I am.

This morning, she went to work.

Again, she said I was really useless, I knew.

Why can’t I wake up any earlier to buy her breakfast?

Usually she buys for us instead.

Maybe I was being pampered too much that I really never think of this.

I admit I am bad, stupid, silly, dumb, and brainless, whatever she may say.

I was so dumb for not thinking of this.

I KNEW I KNEW I KNEW.

And there is no need that you repeat what I KNEW!!

As to ease my own guiltiness, I rushed all the morning since I woke up and washed all the clothes.

Short of time.

I woke up just an hour and a half to settle myself only – as usual what I did – before I went to work.

I hope she will understand but so sad that she born a stupid daughter – me.


The day was never as messy as today.

Today supposedly is holiday. There is no need for me to go work.

Because I have no time to even check it, ended up I was there.

SO stupid again. I really feel myself stupid more than anyone else.

Sick still…Damn!!

Why my day is so doomed??

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